How To Raise A DemiGod
by LemonStickInsect
Summary: The VERY important guide of how to properly raise your own demigod and other randomness that will help in the long run. READ
1. Easy Steps

How To Raise Your Own Demi-God

This following Guide will instruct mortals how to or not to raise your own demigod/half-blood before they are sent to Camp Half Blood.

3 Simple Steps To Success

Step 1: Never Ever Under No circumstances allow your demigod child to come in contact with sugar before the age of 10, I mean have you ever wondered why Rick doesn't mention young Percy in any of the books, yeah I thought as much.

Step 2: At the age of 12 most demigods have a strong aura that is easily detectable to most monsters an easy way to mask this is to walk down the road to the nearest pub and look for the most revolting/disgusting or just out-right gross person you can find. Once succeeded pretend to be interested in them and soon once you're married make sure that your demigod child/s are exposed to their (disgusting person) awfully human stench. If correctly followed your demigod child's life expectancy can be extended for around 2 more years.

Step 3: A happy demigod means that you won't die or be fined because of unwanted anger tantrums that could cause a scene, response by child services, tidal waves, tornadoes, earthquakes, gaining attention from monsters the list goes on. This is why you should try to keep the demigod happy by spending some bonding time or buying them that new book about architecture that they have always wanted.

These few steps are only the start of what could mean life or death, if you have any queries please contact 1800-SCARY-MONSTER-CHASING-ME

Frequently asked questions:

Q) My child has caused an earthquake that destroyed the whole neighborhood and has realized that he isn't normal what do I do?

A) Well that is particularly bothersome a good way is to drag them out in the middle of the night and attempt to transport them to Camp Half Blood, though that sometimes ends up in your capture and then used as a hostage, but not to worry your demigod child shall surely save you...usually...

Q) My child seems to be making evil plans for killing the disgusting person what do I do?

A) Well, try and prevent any of those plans working, however if the said child is a son or daughter of Athena, then good luck you will need it.

One mother found that it was easier turning the disgusting person into a statue and selling it to a curator, this is an excellent example of a win win situation the mother and the child wins and the curator gets the horribly detailed sculpture.

* * *

Like it? Hate it? Tell me please, I don't care if your going to be mean as long as its honest


	2. Whos Your Daddy or Mommy

For all mortal who are wondering who or what they got knocked up by this is a chapter for you, see have you ever looked at your Demi-god child and wondered who their godly parent is(statistics show that you would) well here is the A-Z including the Olympians and Hades, can't forget Hades(Eep).

Apollo:

Children of Apollo may be obsessed with dental health although this also occurs in normal mortal children. They also have uncanny aim and could very well become the captain of archery if the position is available. Note: Just because they have excellent aim does not mean you should place an apple on your head and ask them to shoot it.

Aphrodite:

Children of Aphrodite are beautiful, popular and usually obsessed with fashion.

This is also a description of a fair amount of mortals parents will argue; well an easy way to sort the difference is I don't know maybe that big, scary monster that seems to be stalking your child it seems to be a big give away.

Athena:

Blond hair and gray eyes would distinguish a child of Athena from just about anyone, not to mention their incredible wit and knowledge of things also helps. However apart from being incredibly smart and having an unusual eye color they are also scared of spiders, no matter how big or how small the spider is a child of Athena will be huddled in the corner if they see a spider(unless the spider was seen in the corner).

Ares:

Children of Ares are big, burly and tough. Because they spend their time running around trying to kill people, they will need deodorant even more than they need a brain, which is hard to beat.

Artemis:

Although there isn't any official children of Artemis there have been several rumors**(Turns away from computer to see bow and arrow pointing at head and a pissed Artemis)** .

Dementer:

Excellent in the art of cookery and are excellent gardeners (ADVERT: Are your flowers wilting? Can't get them to grow properly? Well fear no more call Dementer's Original Flower Unexpendable Service or D.O.F.U.S for short and we'll fix your garden today) Some children of Dementer can control vines**(A.N. Is that actually true because I have no idea)**.

Dionysus:

Unlike their father children of Dionysus aren't all stuck-up cherubs that turned middle aged in a trailer park. Although they don't have many traits that make them unique, ask them for one of their awesome grape juice-box next time you see them.

Hephaestus:

Big, burly kids who are good with a hammer, catapult and automatons you definitely don't want to get on their bad side! It is also known that the children of Hephaestus and Poseidon get along well just ask Percy and Beckon...oh wait.

Hera:

No Information...YET

Hermes:

Blond hair, blue eyes and a mischievous grin if you pay them they can steal anything of course I would keep an eye that wallet.

Hermes being the god of travelers will happily let any unclaimed demigods lodge in his cabin, however although Hermes is nice some of his children can get a bit carried away with shaving cream.

Poseidon:

Being that he is one of the BIG THREE he is immensely powerful and his children are no exception. Children of Poseidon have sea green eyes, jet black hair and an seemingly endless amount of powers. However a certain goddess of wisdom will point out that the spawns of the sea are dim-witted and reckless. If you ever experience problems with plumbing just call Percy and ask.

Zeus:

Zeus the king of the gods (or sparky whichever floats your boat) his kids are very powerful and can send lightning down from the sky to zap whoever they wish.

A common misconception, but Harry Potter is actually a son of Zeus and Voldemort was Kronos (Its a Alternate Universe where Percy is Harry and Voldy is grandpuffs)

One of the more modern and famous daughter of Zeus would be Thalia Grace/Pinecone face who is currently lieutenant of Artemis, who was trapped in a tree fro 7 years (See its the Eco-Friendly version of Cryogenics even Demigods are doing their part for the environment and so should you)

Hades:

Children of Hades are neither Goth or Emo they simply enjoy black. They have a free-pass for the underworld and can shadow travel where-ever they want, they also have a small skeleton army at their disposal, but nothing too challenging for a first time parent!

DEMI-TITAN

The offspring of a titan and mortal, is it possible. Yes. Is it likely at this point in time...no, Oh well still fun to write about.

Son of Kronus

A major tip on the Children of Kronus, If your child is indeed a little crooked one then you will have a tough time explaining to the boy/girl and their class why for Patriots Day the class unexpectedly visited the American-Revolutionary War.

Questions

Q) Why doesn't my son/daughter fit in any of these?

A) He/she could simply be the offspring of a minor-god, if they always seem to hit someone back then they may be a child of Nemesis which basically means WHATEVER YOU DO DON"T PUNISH THEM!

Q) My son is a son of Zeus and THERE IS A MONSTER AT THE FRONT DOOR WHAT DO I DO?

A) Well, If you read the previous chapter you would now know that you should of called 1800-SCARY-MONSTER-CHASING-ME. It would also be a good idea to check on your son because if you had time to ask me this then the monster would probably have smashed done the door by now.

* * *

**Well there you go chapter 2, hope you liked it and if the humor is to messed up please tell and i will take note of that in the future.**

**For anyone who's wondering this chapter is edited  
**


	3. Monsters R us

**Disclaimer:**

**LSI: I just realized I haven't placed any disclaimers in any of my other chapters**

**Annabeth: Well aren't you smart!**

**LSI: Well you can talk...oh wait**

**Annabeth: That's right, they don't call me WiseGirl for no reason**

**LSI: More like Owl Droppings**

**Annabeth: WHAT WAS THAT?**

**LSi: I don't own anything...**

**

* * *

**

Most Common Monsters_  
_

The following chapter will explain and help you fight and recognize some of the most common monsters, who wish to eat you for breakfast or lunch...lets just settle it on Brunch.

This is Line, Line says Hi, Head desk for line...HEY why haven't head desked yet?

The Minotaur (Beef Boy/What happens when you have too much steroids)

The one and only Minotaur is half man, half bull would easily be one of the most famous monsters of Greek myth. Now an important thing to remember is that it heavily relies on scent to find its victims, so I highly recommend that all daughters/sons of Aphrodite avoid fighting the minotaur, unless they are lacking in perfume(not likely). However on a happy note there is little chance that the Minotaur will most likely hunt you down because his schedule is booked full to next year, because every author seems to be scrambling to have their OCs "magically" use their godly powers and zap him back to Tartarus.

This Line will dominate the Universe

The Furies (Old Hags who have had too much of Red Bull cause Red Bull GIVES YOU WINGS!)

Three Furies consisting of Old hag 1, Old Hag 2 and Old hag 3, most commonly known as Alecto, Tisiphone, Mageara.

**Bonus (My Version of the bus scene in LT)**

**"Do you know what I'm thinking OH2"**

**"I think I do OH1"**

**"Hmm What about you OH3"**

**"I also believe I know what your thinking OH1"**

**"ITS PUNISHMENT TIME"...now that i think about it that sounds...wrong  
**

This Line is taking all my virtual cookies hostage, so be nice.

Dracaenae (Snake Women)

The Dracaenae are "supposed" to be beautiful women from the waist up and in the place of legs would be a serpent tail. The **KEYWORD **being supposed as in I'm pretty sure that no matter how much mist or makeup they apply the fact that they have tail ruins the whole thing. Now some people will say that the mist will probably hide the fact that they have a tail, I disagree because couldn't you just trip over the tail because its a tail mist only makes people see different things, so unless they are like lizards and can drop their tails and let it grow back I don't see how you can't see them**(But then they would fall over because half of their body is a tail)**.

DemiGod/Line - don't ask

Empousa (A **REAL** red headed nightmare )

The Empousa prey on young men and suck their bloods, like what vampires do except they don't melt in the sunlight or turn sparkly and all shiny. In the greek myths they would lure young men. Now Empousa aren't fairly easy on the eyes with a donkey and bronze leg(I wouldn't be surprised if Mortal-Human sons of Prometheus started popping up since he was dating an Empousa in TLO).

HellHounds (Furry ball of Doom)

The Hellhound is a hound from hell. Usually the size of a Rhino they can grow to about a garbage truck. For all who are considering adopting your very own harbinger of death contact the following:

_Dead Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to HellHounds (DSPCH)_

_Nico Di Angelo_

_Hades Cabin_

_Contact Email : I**C**DED**PPL(A)DOA(dot)com** _

The Linotaur

Cerberus (Mutated Rottweiler)

Cerberus the three headed dog is a horrible and powerful monster that enjoys taking dips and drinks in Styx tormenting the unfortunate souls and playing with shiny red balls.

He also needs a doggy-sitter Hades prefer children of Athena to take the Job.

This Line is collecting Ideas for the next chapter

Drakon (Big, fat, scary snake)

The Drakon is very, very, very dangerous. It can spit acid and has rows of very sharp teeth usually covered in blood(Bad Dental Hygiene ).

How to kill a Drakon you may ask well that's easy just get an electric spear and stab it in the eye. How do you get that close? Well, the following simulations will show you how.

**(T=Theory and R=Result)**

T) Launch yourself on a catapult

R) Hits the Drakon, however you end up in his digestive tract.

T) Jump off a Pegasus

R) You end up as a grease spot on the pavement, however that way you'll be remembered forever, no need for a statue!

This Line is also Collecting Ideas for the Next Chapter

Questions

Q) A empousa is stalking my daughter, I thought they only go after men!

A) Well, that would be a L*****n Empousa(No offense), for future references this kind of empousa is very rare next time you see it take a photo cause its just like taking a photo of a celebrity.

Q) I wanted to adopt a Hellhound, but I'm not sure if I'm ready yet Please tell me what I need to be a good owner of a Hellhound.

A) Well, to be a good master, you'll need commitment, love , some extra limbs lying around and a good excuse for Health/Life Insurance.

* * *

**There chapter 3, Oh and I'm going to need more Ideas for what to do next chapter, hope you like it! REVIEW!**

**If anything is too offensive/lame PM me.  
**


	4. Home Sweet Home BIG THREE ONLY

**IMPORTANT!**

**Well, I'm very sorry I haven't updated and when you read this chapter it may not be as funny as the others but read it anyway, IF the puns and jokes are too overwhelmingly lame, tell me and I'll redo the chapter.  
**

**Disclaimer:**

**Percy: Where am I?**

**LSI: You're in the word document and I am a god here.**

**Percy: God of Word Documents, Are you new?**

**LSI: *head-desk...I don't own anything.**

**

* * *

**

**Home, Sweet Home (BIG THREE EDITION)  
**

Many Half-Bloods are prone to the dangers of the mythological world, many more need a place to call home. Stuck trying to find your dream home? Well Here's a Chapter for YOU!

Most demigods if in need of a place to stay will lodge at Camp, however for those who are interested in purchasing your very own home the following guide will explain how.

Poseidon:

Children of Poseidon would prefer a home on the beach this way in the case of monster attacks they can always jump into the water and swim like Hades...wait can Hades swim?

Sons of Poseidon aren't the brightest crayons in the box or it could just be Percy, yeah its probably just Percy. For all future and current roommates/flatmates although they can fight off most monster attacks with their GODLIKE powers, when used for evil don't be surprised if the shower attempts to strangle you. Notice the word attempt, that is because apart from brain damage no one has been killed **(Kicks body back behind desk)**.

Hades:

Dark, depressing and in abundance of slaves, a cemetery says it all. Of course they may take it as a joke, then go along with them if you know whats good for you. Also when lodging with a son/daughter of Hades it is not classified as cheating to summon Shakespeare from the grave to finish English assignment, for it to be classified as cheating it would need to help you finish work not obtain a headache from trying to understand Ye Olde English.

Zeus:

Somewhere in an high-rise apartment,however if its Thalia the higher the better. A lightning rod would be the most basic and life-saving item when bunking with a Child of Zeus.

**Store of Stuff  
**

Lightning Rod (30 Drachmas) (Optional)

Description: A long metal rod that has the rare ability of being able to poke Thalia without disintegrating.

Magic Bronze Armour (43 Drachmas) (_NECESSITY_)

Description: a magical armor that will save your life...or it'll weigh you down and let monsters get you. Whats life without risks, eh?

Fishing Rod (23 Drachmas) (Optional)

Description: After the Battle of New York Poseidon left Percy a fishing rod, when he wasn't looking we stole it and tried to sell it on ebay. It also is a very good item to "fish" Percy out of lakes just attach Riptide and cast the line. Riptide stolen and sold separately.

* * *

**Well, there you go, now I'm going to repeat this again but if this chapter is just too crap then tell me I don't care how you can review or PM but I badly want to know what you guys think about it...this is probably the shortest chapter I've wrote  
**

**PS: NEED IDEAS FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS, otherwise then this story crash, burn and disintegrate, not necessarily in that order. ALSO REVIEW.  
**


	5. Real Life Situations MINOTAUR EDITION

**Thank you all for the excellent ideas, because of them i can now write this chapter. Also thank you "daughter of hermes watch you wallet" for checking this story for any overdoses of idiocy. I will also now inform you that every once in a while I'll make a chapter that shows what this guide would do in the real world.**

* * *

**Real Life Situations (Minotaur Edition)  
**

Ever wondered what this guide will actually do in the real life...well so did I. So I now have my very own OC running around testing various theories and ideas mentioned in the story.

**"Hi I'm Adrian, Son of Hades and where's the cookies, you said there would be cookies here!"**

**"Hold Still"**

**"Why wou..." *Bonk**

**"hmm maybe I hit him a bit too hard"**

**The Minotaur**

Adrian woke to a pounding headache "Where am I?...and where are the cookies"

"MOOOOO"

"Oh hi there, what is a nice cow like you doi...OH MY GODS your HOLDING A BATTLEAXE!"

"MOOO" screamed the minotaur as it charged.

*In the secret window up in the wall*

LemonStickInsect was currently arguing with an author, on whose OC should fight the minotaur first.**(AN: to fully understand this scenario you'll have to read about the minotaur in chapter 3"  
**

"Hey, you pushed in LINE!"screamed a random author.

"Oh, go have a writers block"

"HOW DARE YOU, MARY SUE Number 1 and 4 attack HIM!" screamed the anonymous Author who I'm going to refer to as bob.

"WHAT GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" LSI then scrambled for the door as the mary sues attacked.**(I'm going to refer to myself in third person because its easier to write)**

*On the other side of the secret window*

Adrian was slammed into the wall and was beginning to feel delirious. "Ninety Nine specks of blood on the wall ninety nine specks of Blood, slam my head into the wall again One Hundred specks of blood on the wall"

At that point LSI ran out of the secret room followed by blood-thirsty Mary-Sues, because he wasn't looking he ran head first into the Minotaur who dropped in shock, or was it because of a new victim we may never know.

OOOFF "Oh...so have you been working out since the last time I described you?" spoke LSI as he slowly back-tracked.

"MOO" the minotaur took a step forward.

"Eh... that's a yes right?"

"MOO"

"Is that all your gonna say, wait I'm the author so that means I can give you the power of speech" LSI started up his phone and went to the Fanfiction web-page. "DAMN YOU NO NETWORK COVERAGE!"

"No, thats the roaming sign, you have coverage its just slow" replied the mary sue looking over his shoulder.

"HAH, done" LSI then pointedly look up at the minotaur in curiosity.

"You going to say something other than moo yet?"

The minotaur then leaned on his axe like a walking stick "Well I say chaps, what a wonderful gathering we have here, so who here wants some tea"

LemonStickInsect POV

Great even the cow is smarter than me now.

Mary Sue 1 POV

ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE SHUTTING DOwn...

Adrian POV

One hundred and eighty seven specks of blood on the wa... HEY LOOK the cookies...wait why is it so quiet.

Bob the Random Author (If there is an author called bob out there...sorry)

!...I'm taking this idea

Mary Sue 4

I wonder if he has Earl Grey (that's a type of tea)

3rd Person POV again

They stood there all fiv...wait that mary sues down, all four of them stood there looking at the minotaur, then bob the random author spoke.

"ZOMG, having you in my story will no doubt get me reviews, how would you like a contract!"

"I'm sorry but I sense a little boy is traveling to Camp Half Blood with his mother and a satyr, CheeriO"

"NOOOOOOOO"

Mean while LSI was checking up on Adrian.

"Oh there you are I was beginning to get worri, HEY THOSE ARE MY COOKIES GIVE THEM BACK!"

And so concludes the first Real Life Experience chapter.

* * *

**So who here likes it and who here is calling the mental hospital as we speak? I'm guessing all of you.**

**Lets have a vote who here wants me to write a new story. here are the opinons:**

**1) Di IMMORTALS YES, I'd follow you and your bloated ego to Hades and back**

**2)From what I've just read you can't write a story without it turning into something random. Stick to guides**

**3) "STATE YOUR OWN OPINION HERE"**

**if I do start another story it would take around a month. Also I'm hoping to break the 35 review mark, SO REVIEW(Future Chapter Previews may be awarded)!  
**


	6. NEW STORY PREVIEW

**This is a preview of my new story "How I met your Mother" obviously I got the Idea from the show and I will also tell you that the next chapter for this guide will probably be finished in anything between 3 weeks to a month and the chapter preview will be sent a week in advance.**

**Ok, so basically I was wondering if this has already been done and whether I'm even good at writing these stories**

**

* * *

How I met your mother**

"Ok, Percy deep breathes, it's not that bad, your just asking a simple question," muttered Percy as he swam closer and closer to Poseidon's Palace.

Poseidon who was currently reading Olympus Daily and was having a one-sided argument wit Delphin.

"Why this is not possible, how come Athena's palace has higher ratings then MINE!"

"er…because she has a pool?" whimpered a cowering Delphin.

"Hmm maybe if I got a bigger pool"

"but sire we are underwater we cannot obtain a pool"

'SILENCE, I AM A GOD I WILL MANAGE TO GET A POOL UNDERWATER!"

At that point Percy appeared from behind the door.

"hi, dad I was wondering if I could ask you a VERY important question?"

"Percy, do you agree with me that I can get a pool?"

"…probably not"

"pfft so discouraging and they said you can't bring the dead back to life, well look at Orpheus"

'dad, he didn't make it"

"so discouraging" continued Poseidon as he shook his head in disappointment.

"Well anyway dad please can I ask you a question?"

"shoot"

"How did you meet my mother?"

"hmmm should I go with the fibreglass option or the concrete"

"DAD" screamed Percy.

"Well ok, gods your being pushy, you see son" said Poseidon as he flipped through better homes and gardens "It started off like this"

* * *

**So, who liked it so far and who wants me to stick to guides?**

**REVIEW(...even though this isn't a real chapter)  
**


	7. Magic Items

**Hey guys sorry for not updating but I was working on my new story "How I Met Your Mother" and frankly I'm struggling at writing the romance and because I'm struggling at romance I can't get to the parts where I want to add puns in so basically it so far has been a fail, but i'm hoping to turn it around. So Who here wants to be my Beta Reader for the new story? PM me if your interested.**

**Disclaimer**

**LSI: I'm not Ricky**

**Authors Association : *GASP**

**LSI: Well, its true isn't it?**

**A.A. : GET out NOW**

**LSI: ...I Don't own anything  
**

* * *

Magical Items

No demigod is complete without there own set of magical tools of chaos so the following chapter will give examples of magical items.

**"Hi Its me Adrian again. LSI promised to pay for the medical bills so i'm back"**

**"Sniffle...My saving is going to take a beating for this"**

**"MMMMMMMM"**

**"Anyway on with the story"**

_**Magical Eraser of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM (Yes, it has to have 13 O's otherwise it won't be right)**_

"Hi, LSI here and Me and my loyal test dummy Adrian. We are going to test the new magical weapon"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE I'M THE ONE GETTING TOSSED INTO THE AIR BY THE DRAKON!"

"USE THE ERASER" screamed LSI (Imagine Ben Kenobi in star wars talking to Luke:USE THE FORCE)

"What the Hades is an eraser going to do" replied Adrian.

"RUB IT"

Frantically Adrian started rubbing the eraser on the scales of the Drakon "ITS NOT WORKING"

"TRY using it on pencil"

"I'm about to die here and The ADVICE YOUR TELLING ME IS TO FIND A PENCIL, I"D BE BETTER OFF ASKING RACHAEL, SHE ACTUALLY MIGHT HELP ME"

LemonStickInsect was currently sharpening his nails and looking up fanfiction while listening to Skillet on full blast from his iPod."hmm I wonder what that screaming was about maybe I should help...Nah he's a son of Hades he can take it.

Mean-While Adrian was being tossed in the air repeatedly when suddenly he was thrown into a clothing store. OOF he landed in a pile in the Ladies section. "Oww it hurts, when I find that lazy son of a bit..HEY a pencil Skirt, I wonder" Quickly He started erasing and the Drakon edged closer. Suddenly the eraser turned into a rocket launcher. "YES FOR ONCE THAT SH***Y excuse of an author did something right" He aimed and pulled the trigger. Silence. A little Image appeared: This Is your First Time Using The Magical Eraser of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM, would you like to start the tutorial? "NOOO WHAT THE STYX IS THIS" I'm sorry but, Rockets are Purchased separately, Sorry for Inconveniences.

Adrian Looked up "OH STYX"

LemonStickInsect Looked up just In time to see a rocket blast into his face. OW OW OW OW OW, what the hades, I was reading a good story too. Looking up he saw one angry looking test Dummy. "So...did you kill it?"

"I WILL KILL YOU IN A SECOND IF YOU DON"T***********************"

And so concludes the report of the testing of the Magical Eraser of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. **(Wow that was alot of "of's" in that sentence)**

**Mentos from Hell**

"This is my new invention, the MENTOS FROM HELL" exclaimed LSI as he held up a blue mentos.

"What is that going to do?"

"Chew it"

Adrian took the Mentos sniffed it cautiously and muttered "This better be worth it"

He started to chew.

Suddenly a sword blade burst out of his mouth.

"IT worked'

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, I could of died" screamed Adrian as he took the hilt of the blade from his mouth.

"However, your still standing so It's a success! So let the testing BEGIN"

Suddenly a drakon burst out of thin air.

"OMGs I know your an Author, BUT WHERE DO YOU KEEP GETTING THESE FROM!" screamed Adrian as he ran away from the giant snake.

Adrian quickly shadowed traveled and burst out on top of the Drakon and stabbed."YES, i killed it"

He looked up into the eyes of two more Drakons. "Where the Hades does he keep getting these"

LemonStickInsect looked up from his laptop. "Oh look the two Drakons I just ordered are here...wait but delivery takes a week so who's Drakons are those...OH HELL NO"

**OC-Retirement-ray**

"Oww, Owww, Oww It hurts" screamed Adrian as he snapped his back back into shape.

"Maybe your getting too old for this"

"I'm the same age as you"

"...Your still old, don't deny it"

"Does that mean your old?"

"No, my ego is too awesome to let me get old, besides I'm still a teen"

"Your up yourself and more like a 7 year old stuck in a teens body"

"HAh, I did it I created a new weapon of mass idiocy!"

"wow, subject change much"

LemonStickInsect started charging up a ray gun.

"Wait, why are you pointing that at me for!"

"Your getting old Adrian, don't worry the OC retirement home will be a nice place to live...If you can survive the Mary-Sues"

"What can't you rethink THIS?"

LemonStickInsect pressed the trigger. A image appeared. "The OC retirement home is currently full and overflowing with rejected OCs, Sorry for Inconveniences, Have a nice day!"

"...YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING," screamed LemonStickInsect as he started jumping on the ray-gun.

"YAY, I get to live another DAY!"

"Stupid Gun, can't even mmphfff.." Adrian clapped a hand over the idiotic author. "We, need reviews and Ideas, Please help us!"

* * *

**MMMMMMM...I need Ideas any-one have something incredibly stupid that you don't want to use in case people think your a nut-case? Give it to ME!**

**Also, REVIEW!  
**

**

* * *

**

**NEW STORY IDEA ALERT**

**Okay, one day i got bored and thought, all crossovers with Harry Potter usually have the two books collide in a completely unlikely way with both secrets exposed in the first sentence. Basically I thought what if i actually merged the books**: **Use the basic plot from Harry Potter but place PJO characters there? I was thinking of using PJO pairings and mess around a bit with the family and main characters of Harry Potter but essentially it would nearly be the same.**

**Harry=Percy (DUH)**

**Hermione=Annabeth**

**Ron=Luke (Though I probably won't make him evil and HELL NO to lukeabeth because it would be impossible to keep them in character)**

**Thalia=that person Ron danced with in Book 4, can't remember her name...I keep thinking of Padme buts that's Star Wars, Right? ?**

**Chiron = Dumbledore**

**Mr. D = Filch (Is that his name?)**

**Voldy = Granpuffs= Kronus  
**

**That's basically it and I was considering turning rachael into the grandfather clock in the weasley that tells if they are in mortal danger because Who here agrees with me but her personality is impossible to mimic. Or it could just be me.**

* * *

**REVIEW, PM me if you want to be my Beta.**

**

* * *

O  
**


	8. Demigod Health

**This is my version of an early update, SO REVIEW!  


* * *

Demi-God Health**

Demi-gods can get diseases, even if you turned them into gods-forsaken bodybuilders, they will get diseases so the following chapter will explain what happens when our favorite demi-gods get some illnesses.

**The Cold**

Recently on one of my schemes of world domination, we gave Thalia the Cold. Good News, she now has to die like the rest of us. Bad News, her sneezes now electrify, Yes you heard me, she now has radioactive snot.

**Headache**

On a recent attempt on annoying Percy, we gave him a headache. It didn't end too well for us because let's just say a hurricane and some mini tidal waves in Paul's 3 bedroom apartment don't go well together.

**Hypothermia (Hah, I could spell that without spell check, take that English teacher)**

Connor: I feel so cold

Travis : I'm so hot

Connor: Wait your hot and I'm cold what if we huddled together.

Travis : That feels good

LemonStickInsect :…..I'm scared, get me out of here.

**Motion Sickness**

Has anyone ever seen Annabeth on a boat, while it is **Sailing**, No? Let's hope you don't, one of the many reasons Athena Stays away from Poseidon is that she gets motion sickness and apparently so does her children. We discovered the hard way that when Percy and Annabeth go on a cruise ship, don't follow them unless you have a year supply of paper bags.

**Food Allergies**

Sons of Poseidon don't eat seafood for good reasons. Apart from the occasional "OMG, I KNOW THAT FISH-STICK," they are allergic to seafood; we gave Percy a Fillet O Fish instead of his McChicken, he vomited all over.

**Tarantula Bites (Yes I know it's not an illness, but I couldn't resist)**

Normally a bite from tarantulas won't affect demi-gods much; actually it won't even affect mortals. However when the particular person is a son/daughter of Athena things go down-hill from there. They will go into shock, which eliminates the chances of them running away, so you would have to carry them away, if you can't be bothered and leave them there don't be surprised to come back to find them cocooned and sitting on a plate in front of Arachne.

* * *

**Review? Was it even funny?  
**


End file.
